I am way overdue with my posting. I had plans of posting all of my favorite photos from Africa and telling all the stories. But those plans were only plans.  Instead, here I am months later. Instead, of Africa, right now, our family is going through the hardest thing we have ever endured. 

Halfway through our 3 week safari, we woke up to the news that Cyndi and Dan had been killed when they crashed their plane in Salem. Needless to say it was a total shock and I felt so helpless all that distance away from my parents and family as they were slammed with the news. I am normally pretty much in control and know the next thing to do when plans are suddenly changed. Instead of knowing what to do, it was all a blur that I could not put into focus. I can actually remember going around in circles, moving from one thing to another, I had no strength to even pull my jeans from my pack-back that was all packed for the next lodge on our journey. In tears, I had to call for John to pull them out for me. I did know that I had to get home as soon as possible. I remember opening up my computer and getting to Delta to see about changing the flight home. But that is where I froze. I could not think of what to do next. Even though the flights had been up to us to manage in this trip, immediately, our travel agent, whom I don't even remember calling, sent me a text with three options of immediate flights. She had taken it on herself, on a late Saturday night, to go online and find the best options home for me. I told her that I would take the first, but fastest one. She asked permission to book it for me and to charge the card we had on file. The next thing I knew, there on my phone were the tickets to get me home! (one of God's angels, I am sure)

It was a four hour drive to the airport and endless hours on the plane, but 42 hours later, I was sobbing in my parents arms, holding them like never before. My kids were there from day one, holding them for me. I could not be prouder of them for all they did in my absence. They did it way better than I would have, had I been there already. Hugs, prayers, words, sharing tears, making sure that they were eating and taking their meds, always having a full glass of water beside them, doing anything they could think of to physically comfort them. 

We began the task of planning a funeral, picking out their caskets, even the clothes they would be buried in. I didn't even think of that ever being a thing that would need done until I was standing in Cyndi's closet picking out what to have her wear. forever.

Then came the funeral. And once again, my kids wowed me! Each of them had a role like never before and yet shone like they had done it forever. John gave the eulogy for Cyndi, Dennis closed in prayer, and Jessi read a verse that was on the wall in Cyndi's house and shared her memories. The grandkids sang Jesus Loves Me. Once again, they did what I could not do. The next day, we buried them. I know that they are not in those bodies, that their souls are safe with Jesus, but knowing that their bodies were in those caskets, that they would never use those bodies again, was so final, it was the finish that was so hard. And to see my parents in such deep shock and grief was truly the hardest thing I think I will ever bear. To know there is nothing, NOTHING at all that I can do to console them, that all I can do is sit beside them and cry with them.

Now, we begin to move on, to do the next thing...sorting through their things, the life they left behind, the unfinished things, their past, the things future. Their home is now only a house. It has been emptied, some donated, most parted out to family and friends to hold onto a piece of them. We hold on to the memories most of all. 

In all the sorting, it became so evident what is most valuable in life. All the things mean nothing. What lives on is the memories of them.

The time we spent. 

Cyndi was my sister, the baby of the family. But through the years, she also became the leader of the family is so many ways. She had a special knack for entertaining, even if you were the only one seated in her home. She stopped what she was doing to spend time, even if you were only there for a few moments, she stopped to give you that time. Moments always turned into minutes and hours. Any event became a reason to celebrate, somehow, she made it into a party. She could find the best birthday cards and restaurants. She could put together a snack or a meal at a moments notice. She was so generous with all she had, most of all her time. 

She was one of my closest friends. 

Dan was such a good conversationalist. Always ready to listen, but more than that he knew just the right questions to get a person to talk. He remembered the answers, too, for the next time. He made you feel valued. He shared all he had, his cars, his plane, his life for anyone that could use them.

They were a perfect team. They complimented each others passions and supported each other in all they did. So in love and an example to us all. 

And if losing them was not enough, Mom and Dad have been given the task of director of their estate. At first, I thought it was too huge a task, maybe too much to add to their grief, but then I realized that it might be the best thing to keep them moving through things to keep them focused. But on top of it, somebody has been using Dan's identity! He has gotten into their bank accounts and charge cards and even took out a line of credit on their home! Almost $450, 000.00 has been taken! Sure the bank has returned it all and cleared their accounts from it, but it has taken weeks and the threat is a daily thing to the load that their hearts are bearing. But they are plowing through it, one day, one moment at a time.

I worry about them, but know there is nothing more I can do than be there for them. 

I am so thankful to God for all he has brought us through to this point. We know that He is in control, that He has a plan, that even if we can not see or understand or come up with one good reason why He would allow them to leave their earthly lives, and leave us with the grief, we know that He knows and we know that they are with Him now in Heaven. And Heaven is the ultimate goal of all of us, we all have the hope and the expectation that is where we will end up...we just never expect to go so soon, we expect to have a full, complete life, that we all will live to an old age. 

We miss them so much. 

I put this here as a reminder to myself of that horrendous flight home. In tears, I prayed, I talked to Cyndi and promised her that I was going to do my very best to take care of Mom and Dad, I opened the shade and took a peek out...and then there was this sort of calm, a peace, as I looked at what some might call heaven. It did not stop the tears or the hurt, but I know that God was there in my pain and this gave me comfort and prepared me for the next step of what was ahead for me.